Dear God:

I know of no other way to have this conversation with You.  I have tried to have this conversation several other ways, but every time I start, I find it hard to ask You to do anything but look in my heart and forgive me.  So, even if this conversation takes several days, weeks, or months, I need to try to finish it after all of these years.

You already know an article of faith I hold dear.  It is a statement I make often to remind others of how important we all are to You, said in all love and humility.  I am certain brains more powerful and effective than mine, and men and women more worthy of You than I, have pondered the same thing, even if it is worded differently.  That article of faith is this: “I have always understood why I believe in God: I am trying to understand why God believes in me.”

Dear God, why do You believe in me?  What have I ever done to make me worthy to even ask for such simple things like health, happiness, and especially, forgiveness?  You have created me, and You gave me the Spirit of Life.  You have given me gifts that far exceed my worthiness, and what did I do with them?  I have abused them for my own pleasure; I have tossed them aside as if they are meaningless: I have neglected to say Thank You in my arrogance; and my hardened heart has failed to repent. Yet, still, You bless me.

You bless me with a gift called life every morning when I awake.  You bless me with adequate shelter from the harsh elements.  You bless me by providing me food to satisfy my hunger and drink to quench my thirst.  You bless me by surrounding me with people who give me things I certainly don’t deserve, and if I need more, I only need to ask them.  You bless me by allowing me to enter into Your holy house, unworthy though I be, allowing me to worship You.

I have taken Your gift of life and wasted days in laziness, self-indulgence, and thanklessness.  I have taken Your gift of shelter and failed to turn it into a temple that glorifies You.  I have taken Your gifts of food and drink and indulged to excess without offering to share with those who have nothing.  I have taken Your gift of loving neighbors and, by my words and deeds, built fences and walls to divide us.  I have taken Your gift of being in Your holy house, and neglected my prayers and thanksgiving by focusing on things that have nothing to do with worship.

Yet, still, You bless me.

You bless me with the wisdom of those who serve You, who teach Your commandments, who tell and retell the story of Your Son, Jesus Christ, who include me in their prayers for health, long life, and salvation.  I repay You by ignoring their efforts, by allowing myself to be distracted as they talk, and by sabotaging their prayers by my own selfishness.

Yet, still, You bless me.

You have blessed me with beautiful surroundings, and I repay You by longing to be somewhere, and sometimes anywhere, else.  You have blessed me by giving me talents to serve You, and I repay You by misusing them and damaging my ability to serve You properly.  You have blessed me with the gift of time, and I repay you by wasting it doing nothing.  You have blessed me with the Body and Blood of Your Son, Jesus Christ, a gift I am invited to partake in, and I partake unworthily without thought.

Yet, still, you bless me.

O Lord, I am not only unworthy to receive You, I am unworthy to be received by You.  Yet still, every time I call on You, there You are, holding our Your outstretched arms to receive me as You received the prodigal, the thief, the publican, the sinning woman, all more worthy of You than I ever have been or will be.  You have given me comfort from my sins only to watch me sin again and again, indulging in passions instead of indulging in prayer.  You have forgiven me only to have me commit worse offenses.  You have never forsaken me, though for so long, I have forsaken You.

Yet, still, You bless me.

Why, Dear Lord, when I treat You so miserably, do You love me so much?  Why, Dear Lord, when I neglect You so often, do You make time just for me?  Why, Dear Lord, when I have proved myself so unworthy over the course of my life, do You bless me and provide all I need and more?  Why, Dear Lord, when I fail to love others, do You love me more and more and more until Your love engulfs me as a moth engulfed by flame?  Why, Dear Lord, when I fail to heed Your call, do You keep calling me?  Why, Dear Lord, when I have showed You how untrustworthy I am, do You still trust me? Why, Dear Lord, when I fail You so often, do You keep giving me another chance, and another, and another?

Dear Lord, You treat me far better than I deserve to be treated.  Everyone I have ever met is a far better person than I can ever be, for they love, and give, and can be trusted.

Yes, STILL, You bless me, every day of my unworthy life.

Dear God, with the evidence presented, it is clear why I should believe in You.  Why, Dear God, with that same evidence, do you still believe in me?