Shepherds

It has been almost two months since my last entry into this blog.  Many things have changed both in my church life and in my secular life.  For one, I have a new job; a job which I love doing, but I am realizing that perhaps it is not the best of environments for me to work in.  Another thing that is changing is that the goings on in my parish (of which specifics will not be discussed here to protect many people, myself included) may not be the best environment either.
Where work is concerned, there are several factors involved.  First of all, many people just look at the job as.....a job.  The job either doesn't pay enough for them to care about doing their job the best they can, or perhaps worse, it is their best, which to me is a sad commentary on society.  With one exception, the ones who do care the most seem to be of another faith.  Now, the differing faith doesn't bother me in the sense of none of them are trying to convert me to it, but to me, it does beg the question of what ethics are parents who raise their children even nominally Christian passing on to their children.  If we don't do our best at work, we never will do our best at anything, and I am sadly concluding that such attitudes spill over into our spiritual lives.  Perhaps, though, this problem is with me, as I take what my parents taught me seriously when they taught me that not having the best job in the world is no excuse to be the best at it, and anything less than your best effort is failure.  As the popular saying goes, failure is not an option.
Now, the goings on in our parish highlight some of these attitudes also.  The parish has become fractious, argumentative, and in some instances, incomprehensible.  It is not the faith itself that is in jeopardy.  Rather, I would say it is the value of the faith that we pass on to the next generation that is.
I know that there are several Christ-loving, God fearing parishioners who want nothing but to be closer to God through our faith.  I know that there are wolves in sheep's clothing stalking those sheep.  I also am very aware that we lack the physical presence of a full time shepherd to protect the lambs (by that, I mean we don't have an appointed rector).  So, some sheep get devoured; others flee; others hide in plain sight.  The problem with feeding a hungry wolf is they will need to eat again.
So, here I am, stumbling along my path, facing the biggest test I have ever faced of applying my faith into my life.  I personally am not one who would enjoy hunting wolves.  Protecting a flock from them is one thing, but the ammunition necessary is not always available.  Of course, Jesus is our best weapon against those wolves, and He is always available, and He promised He will always be with us.  I believe it to be true.  However, wolves can be scary creatures.  They run in packs, hunt in packs, and tire you out after a long attack.  Wolves can be vicious; lambs gentle.  That's why lambs need shepherds.  I am learning that I not only do not always make a good employee no matter how well I do my job and how great an effort I put into it, but I make a lousy shepherd.  I am unable to protect the sheep from the wolves.
If I come across as feeling helpless right now, it is because I need help from someone who is a worthy shepherd.  I am not hungry enough to be a wolf, nor gentle enough to be a lamb.  I am merely a broken man in need of the protection of Jesus.