"Tis what season?

With the Nativity Feast just a week away, I have thought about many memories of past, well, Christmas celebrations.  You see, I don't celebrate, "Christmas" any longer, not because I am trying to make a statement outwardly (well, sometimes I am, especially if someone calls the feast "pagan" in nature) but because I want it to mean more to me than just, well, Christmas.
Let me talk about some of my troubles with the season first.  Not all of my childhood Christmas' were happy; in fact, many of them had arguments and fights, and most of my "presents" were school clothes for the rest of the school year.  There was never a chance for me to "shoot my eye out, kid" because those desires didn't matter.
Also, there are reasons for me to be sad during the season that have nothing to do with Christmas itself.  My mother died December 22, 2000, three days short of Christmas and four days shy of what would have been her 71st birthday.  Her calling hours were on that 71st birthday.
Then there is the culture war going on over what to do with the season.  So many get "offended" by Christ that "it must be removed from the public" and in removing Him, offend many more times the people.  Both sides use the Constitution of the USA to justify their positions, yet I do wonder how many people have actually read not only the Constitution, but the Declaration of Independence, the Articles of Confederation, and the Federalist Papers as well.  If anything, I wish my father had made me read the Holy Bible as religiously as he made me read those documents, because, like the Holy Bible, "school wasn't going to teach them".
I guess what I am getting at here is that I am looking inside myself, and to Jesus, for what this season is supposed to mean.  For a season meant to mark the coming of the Prince of Peace, it sure starts out with a lot of consumer violence and hatred toward your fellow man.  If Christmas means getting pepper sprayed by someone who wants a shopping bargain before I can get it, then it's not a holiday I want to celebrate.  It's one thing for me to shoot my own eye out; I don't need someone else to spray them out for me!
There are still some things about Christmas I enjoy.  I enjoy the carols, some of the movies (obviously "A Christmas Story", but also the first two "Home Alone" movies as well as "Christmas Vacation"), some of the TV specials (though I have to watch "The Little Drummer Boy" online now as TV doesn't show it lest anyone be offended), and I have come to enjoy being in church so much more than I did even as a child.  As I get older, however, I am not so anxious for the celebrations of Christmas any longer.  I am becoming much happier in just sitting in silence, reading the Gospel of Luke, being in the temple praying.  I am learning that for me, this is what the true feast is.  The feast is not about the dinner (though I won't say no to good food), but the table our Lord and Savior came to prepare for us.  That I am not worthy, yet invited, is humbling.  That I am welcomed unfathomable to me, first amongst sinners.
Maybe someday, I'll learn, but that's an awful big maybe.

God's Time

I have all the time God has given me, and I still feel hurried.
I have plenty of time for prayer, but I find a distraction.
I have plenty of time for silence, yet create noise.
I have plenty of time for love, but fail to reach out.
I have plenty of time to be loved, but never accept it.
I have plenty of time for entertainment, but claim to be bored.
I have plenty of time for family, yet shun them.
I have plenty of time to submit to God's will, yet still force mine into my prayers.
My simple prayer today is this: Dear God, allow me to use the time you have given me to do Your will, to humbly worship You, as You are most deserving of praise, and to accept that all answers come with time, and all time comes from You.

Amen.

My prayer for silence

Prayer is actively talking to God.
Silence is allowing Him time to answer.
Prayer is telling God what your needs are.
Silence is God telling you what He needs from you.
Prayer is giving God your wish list.
Silence is God prioritizing it.
Prayer is a discipline.
Silence is a devotion.
Prayer is telling God you love Him.
Silence is letting God love you.
Prayer is giving God thanks.
Silence is letting God thank you.
Prayer is a blessing to God.
Silence is God's blessing to you.
Prayer is humbling yourself before God.
Silence is humbling yourself to serve God.
Prayer acknowledges God as a higher power.
Silence empowers you to submit to Him.
Prayer is what you will to God.
Silence is willing yourself to God.
Prayer takes time.
Silence is timeless.