How dare I, O Lord, how dare I ask for Your forgiveness for my sinful and wretched soul.
How dare I ask for forgiveness when I have slain the souls of those who try to love me and guide me to Your loving light, instead exhalting those who share in my sinful ways.
How dare I, O Lord, how dare I ask for Your forgivenss for my countless and repeated transgressions.
How dare I ask for mercy when I know nothing of giving mercy to those who love me and whose trangression against me is a minor incovenience,, instead being merciful to those to whom mercy means nothing, and will use it for evil purposes.
How dare I, O Lord, how dare I ask for Your forgiveness for my prideful boasting.
How dare I ask for Your love when my prideful and sinful nature neglects the Glory You shared with me for what little benefit I have given this world, and instead pretend that it is I, and not You, who accomplished what I claim to have done.
How dare I, O Lord, how dare I ask for Your forgiveness, for my neglectful and careless manner of prayer.
How dare I ask that You bestow upon me that which I wish when I have not only failed to give thanks for but have further abused and destroyed the gifts You entrusted me with.
How dare I, O Lord, how dare I ask for Your forgiveness and how dare I lift up my eyes to Heaven.
How dare I look up to Heaven as a destination to which I plan to go when I fail to keep Holy and instead defile myself with that which saddens You.
How dare I, O Lord, how dare I ask for Your forgiveness for my insolence and lack of consideration of my brothers and sisters.
How dare I think myself a humble servant when I go about insulting others, thinking myself clever, instead of edifying their hearts with the love I so undeservedly have received from You.
How dare I, O Lord, how dare I ask for Your forgiveness for my Pharisaical habits.
How dare I ask for mercy when I look down upon my brothers and sisters for their sins and affronts when mine are greater in number and scope, and when mine have inflicted greater damage to others than has been done to me.
How dare I, O Lord, how dare I ask for Your forgiveness again and again.
How dare I keep breaking my promise to You, O Lord, whose mercies and kindness are limitless, who are patient and long suffering, when in me I can find no mercy, kindness, or patience.
How dare I, O Lord, how dare I ask for Your forgiveness for what has come out of my mouth.
How dare I ask for mercy from the lips I use to hurt others, to spread that which is not of Your goodness, and which have told countless lies as if they are a child's fable.
How dare I, O Lord, how dare I ask for Your forgiveness.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Nearer my God......not.
Life certainly has a sadly funny way of trying to keep us from God. Whether it is because we sleep late and do not say our morning prayers, thereby neglecting our souls during the day, or being so tired we neglect our prayers at night, thereby neglecting our soul's ability to rest, and everything in between, it is so easy to neglect all that God has done for us and does for us always.
If we are Americans, we see our religious freedoms being tested more and more every day, and instead of praying to God, we fight our persecutors.
In the Middle East, our Brothers and Sisters in Christ fear for their lives daily.
That is just politics..
We no longer trust a beggar who seeks assistance, though I must admit it is hard to feel bad for someone begging for money when they wear a pair of sneakers that costs more than my food bill for two weeks. Again, life keeping me from God.
We take for granted those who love us, and seek approval from those who take us for granted. I should learn to love those who take me for granted regardless of their love, or lack thereof, for me. I should also never take for granted those who love me regardless of my failures.
I have been told I am now under grace, yet get chastised for not living to the letter of the law. All I wanted to do was have an image of a saint on my computer to focus on.
I don't know what hurts me more; knowing that I have to do better, or knowing that I can and am not doing so.
Pray for me please, if you can, and if you will.
If we are Americans, we see our religious freedoms being tested more and more every day, and instead of praying to God, we fight our persecutors.
In the Middle East, our Brothers and Sisters in Christ fear for their lives daily.
That is just politics..
We no longer trust a beggar who seeks assistance, though I must admit it is hard to feel bad for someone begging for money when they wear a pair of sneakers that costs more than my food bill for two weeks. Again, life keeping me from God.
We take for granted those who love us, and seek approval from those who take us for granted. I should learn to love those who take me for granted regardless of their love, or lack thereof, for me. I should also never take for granted those who love me regardless of my failures.
I have been told I am now under grace, yet get chastised for not living to the letter of the law. All I wanted to do was have an image of a saint on my computer to focus on.
I don't know what hurts me more; knowing that I have to do better, or knowing that I can and am not doing so.
Pray for me please, if you can, and if you will.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Our Pagan Fight
Here we go again. All we are hearing now with Western Easter approaching this weekend (though Pascha is May 5) is how Easter is a "pagan" celebration "stolen" by the Christians. We are hearing about Ishtar and Eoster and how it REALLY is a pagan festival for a fertility goddess. All this makes me question now not what those who attack Christianity are doing, but what are we, who are called to defend it, are doing.
Now apologetics is not for everyone, and even for those who enjoy it on occasion, it can be rather tiresome. This explains how we are losing on at least one front: attrition. Like a pack of wolves hunting their prey, they nip at our heels, chase us for hours, and tire us out just before killing us. I think this is why Christ called on us to endure to the end and said those that do will be saved (Matthew 24:13). He also warned us that He was sending us out as sheep in the midst of wolves (Matthew 10:16). We should be ready for this, but sadly, I am thinking many of us are not (myself included: I am already tired of the attacks this year).
We hear constantly about how Easter Eggs are a tribute to a pagan god. When was the last time any of us recounted the visit of Mary Magdalene visiting the Emperor Tiberius and proclaiming "Christ is Risen!"? Do we even know the tradition of this? When confronted with Mary Magdalene's exclamation, Tiberius replied "A man can rise from the dead no more than the egg in your hand can turn red!" It was then that the egg in Mary Magdalene's hand turned red. This is why, in many icons of her, she is pictured holding a red egg in her hand. Forgetting this tradition and the reason behind it only opens a door to those who wish to defeat Christ.
We hear about Easter Bunnies, Chocolate, and other candies given to children as further evidence of pagan ancestry and homage. A question I can not answer is when did the church allow it IN the church? I have seen Easter Baskets at Pascha that have much food, but have never seen the chocolate bunnies in them. I have seen the red eggs, and Cheese Pascha, and meat, but no chocolate bunnies.
Those who scoff at us know we do not have adequate knowledge of our faith, and they have seen to it that it stays that way. This is why we always hear about Christianity "stealing" from the pagans to get them to convert. I say different; I say their traditions were part of the culture they grew up in, and did not bring into the church at all; they kept the church and the culture separate. At best, the church did not object to such a practice out of mercy and economia, and at worst, perhaps they have not reminded us of what these practices can mean to someone else who has no desire to follow Christ.
I do not have the answers for all of this. I can only argue with people about paganism and the resurrection so much before my own sins start bearing bad fruit (that notorious temper of mine!). The only conclusion I can draw comes not from scripture or tradition, but an answer to a question "Why did this happen?". Alexandr Solzhenitsyn gave a very simple answer to why the Soviet atrocities happened, and I can only see the truth in his words applied to the question of the Resurrection and the idea that it is pagan in origin. He answered "Because Men have forgotten God: that is why all this happened".
Let us not forget and put more effort to remembering.
Now apologetics is not for everyone, and even for those who enjoy it on occasion, it can be rather tiresome. This explains how we are losing on at least one front: attrition. Like a pack of wolves hunting their prey, they nip at our heels, chase us for hours, and tire us out just before killing us. I think this is why Christ called on us to endure to the end and said those that do will be saved (Matthew 24:13). He also warned us that He was sending us out as sheep in the midst of wolves (Matthew 10:16). We should be ready for this, but sadly, I am thinking many of us are not (myself included: I am already tired of the attacks this year).
We hear constantly about how Easter Eggs are a tribute to a pagan god. When was the last time any of us recounted the visit of Mary Magdalene visiting the Emperor Tiberius and proclaiming "Christ is Risen!"? Do we even know the tradition of this? When confronted with Mary Magdalene's exclamation, Tiberius replied "A man can rise from the dead no more than the egg in your hand can turn red!" It was then that the egg in Mary Magdalene's hand turned red. This is why, in many icons of her, she is pictured holding a red egg in her hand. Forgetting this tradition and the reason behind it only opens a door to those who wish to defeat Christ.
We hear about Easter Bunnies, Chocolate, and other candies given to children as further evidence of pagan ancestry and homage. A question I can not answer is when did the church allow it IN the church? I have seen Easter Baskets at Pascha that have much food, but have never seen the chocolate bunnies in them. I have seen the red eggs, and Cheese Pascha, and meat, but no chocolate bunnies.
Those who scoff at us know we do not have adequate knowledge of our faith, and they have seen to it that it stays that way. This is why we always hear about Christianity "stealing" from the pagans to get them to convert. I say different; I say their traditions were part of the culture they grew up in, and did not bring into the church at all; they kept the church and the culture separate. At best, the church did not object to such a practice out of mercy and economia, and at worst, perhaps they have not reminded us of what these practices can mean to someone else who has no desire to follow Christ.
I do not have the answers for all of this. I can only argue with people about paganism and the resurrection so much before my own sins start bearing bad fruit (that notorious temper of mine!). The only conclusion I can draw comes not from scripture or tradition, but an answer to a question "Why did this happen?". Alexandr Solzhenitsyn gave a very simple answer to why the Soviet atrocities happened, and I can only see the truth in his words applied to the question of the Resurrection and the idea that it is pagan in origin. He answered "Because Men have forgotten God: that is why all this happened".
Let us not forget and put more effort to remembering.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Evening Bells
There is an old song by the Irish poet/singer Thomas Moore called "Those Evening Bells" that tells of a melancholy yearning for ones youth and how the chiming of those bells brings back the memory of happier times, and how when one is in the grave, you will never hear them again. A Russian translation (phonetically translated "Vechernii Zvon") is a well known folk song; not a Russian person I have ever met has been unable to sing it. I have been thinking of this song and how it affects me and my path on Orthodoxy lately.
I have been out of a major city for almost two months now. Being a country boy at heart, I find the city life rather draining and hostile to my spirit. There, I hear many more trains, trucks, loud music and other distractions, but it wasn't until I was out of the city and in the small town I currently am in before I realized that there had been something else missing in my life; church bells.
Where I currently am, I can hear the bells of a neighborhood church ring out three times a day; at 8:00 am, at noon, and at 6:00 pm every day. This does not include other churches, including the Orthodox Church I currently attend, ringing the bells to signal the start of the service. While I noticed how those bells rang out almost immediately, I had never understood how they were lacking in a big city nowadays until just a few days ago; in fact, the parish I attend in the city does not even have a bell to ring right now.
When I hear these bells every day now, I find myself giving a little prayer of thanks to God every time. Not only have I found a peace and quiet that one can rarely find in a big city, but the lack of those bells had an effect on me I never understood; I didn't even realize I missed them. I do not know whether the daily bells are meant to be a call to prayer, but I think that the fact they they do call me to a little prayer of thanks now can only be helpful in my stumbling, as I find that every little prayer I say, even just a quip of "Thank you, Jesus" brings me closer to where I want my soul to be.
Perhaps, also, these bells remind me of my Earthly mortality. I honestly have not thought about that aspect yet, as I have been too busy enjoying the sound of church bells again to worry about such a matter. Even if they do on a subconscious level, I am not preoccupied with that eventual happening. I am not even thinking of my childhood when I hear them (as a child I was so far out in the country that I never heard church bells unless I went to the village, so I made a point of being in the village at the time they rang out quite often). What I am thinking of is the silence time away from the city brings; how silence, a devotional gift from God, allows the Holy Spirit to penetrate your thoughts if you allow it to do so. I also think of a simpler, less hurried, more joyful existence and the way this existence allows me more ease of devotion and prayer, of spirtual reading, and even more importantly, how God works in that silence because we don't static Him out.
While I feel my soul more at ease at the moment, I know I need to guard myself from complacency, and perhaps those bells can help. Not only can they remind me to pray, but because they emanate from God's house, they can remind me how ever present He truly is, everywhere, at all times. I can't say they stop my sinning, but I do reflect on the damage those sins I commit have done more now than I did just a few short weeks ago. Let those morning, noon, and evening bells ring, and let them remind me how He truly blesses me, and how much I owe Him, and how much I need Him. As dense as I can be, I need all the reminders of God I can get.
God Bless.
I have been out of a major city for almost two months now. Being a country boy at heart, I find the city life rather draining and hostile to my spirit. There, I hear many more trains, trucks, loud music and other distractions, but it wasn't until I was out of the city and in the small town I currently am in before I realized that there had been something else missing in my life; church bells.
Where I currently am, I can hear the bells of a neighborhood church ring out three times a day; at 8:00 am, at noon, and at 6:00 pm every day. This does not include other churches, including the Orthodox Church I currently attend, ringing the bells to signal the start of the service. While I noticed how those bells rang out almost immediately, I had never understood how they were lacking in a big city nowadays until just a few days ago; in fact, the parish I attend in the city does not even have a bell to ring right now.
When I hear these bells every day now, I find myself giving a little prayer of thanks to God every time. Not only have I found a peace and quiet that one can rarely find in a big city, but the lack of those bells had an effect on me I never understood; I didn't even realize I missed them. I do not know whether the daily bells are meant to be a call to prayer, but I think that the fact they they do call me to a little prayer of thanks now can only be helpful in my stumbling, as I find that every little prayer I say, even just a quip of "Thank you, Jesus" brings me closer to where I want my soul to be.
Perhaps, also, these bells remind me of my Earthly mortality. I honestly have not thought about that aspect yet, as I have been too busy enjoying the sound of church bells again to worry about such a matter. Even if they do on a subconscious level, I am not preoccupied with that eventual happening. I am not even thinking of my childhood when I hear them (as a child I was so far out in the country that I never heard church bells unless I went to the village, so I made a point of being in the village at the time they rang out quite often). What I am thinking of is the silence time away from the city brings; how silence, a devotional gift from God, allows the Holy Spirit to penetrate your thoughts if you allow it to do so. I also think of a simpler, less hurried, more joyful existence and the way this existence allows me more ease of devotion and prayer, of spirtual reading, and even more importantly, how God works in that silence because we don't static Him out.
While I feel my soul more at ease at the moment, I know I need to guard myself from complacency, and perhaps those bells can help. Not only can they remind me to pray, but because they emanate from God's house, they can remind me how ever present He truly is, everywhere, at all times. I can't say they stop my sinning, but I do reflect on the damage those sins I commit have done more now than I did just a few short weeks ago. Let those morning, noon, and evening bells ring, and let them remind me how He truly blesses me, and how much I owe Him, and how much I need Him. As dense as I can be, I need all the reminders of God I can get.
God Bless.
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